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Thread: Needing some advice...

  1. #16
    Audra Baron's Avatar
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    Hello all!

    I appreciate the advice from everyone and all the PM's I got on the topic. This guy is ridiculous and has stated that he could ruin my good reputation. Today he sent several emails about getting out of the hobby all together after I have "broken" his heart. Hopefully the problem will take care of itself. I'm keeping my fingers crossed... and sleeping with my eyes open. LOL.


    Thanks again.
    Besos,

    Audra Baron

  2. #17
    Verified Hobbyist BCD Sysiphus's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 29 2009, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Hello lovelies!

    I am needing some serious advice about a special friend of mine who has been a long standing client.

    Recently, this person has begun replacing my donations with gifts and has demanded and harrassed me for extra time, when he is not even meeting his standard financial obligation. I believe there are great things that can come from contractual relationships as they allow people to open up to a completely objective third party about their lives. However, this gentleman has crossed the boundaries of what I am able to provide and continues to push forward. I am receiving many emotional emails daily and am worried about how this will all play out.

    My question is: How do you handle a friend who is not respecting the boundaries you so clearly set?

    PM me for more info if you need it. Advice is greatly appreciated![/b]
    I wasn&#39;t clear if the floor was open to us all. But I was struck by:

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 29 2009, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    this person has begun replacing my donations with gifts[/b]
    I read this to mean it has happened more than once. I understand that hindsight is 20/20 but I can&#39;t help but wonder if the problem got noticeably worse AFTER this happened the first time. If I&#39;ve read the post correctly AND you don&#39;t mind answering, how did you respond the first time it happened???

    It seems to me that the initial occurrence is where the gentleman needs to be reminded of the boundaries & the expectations set. Anything short of that will be taken as tacit agreement... especially by a twisted mind...



    I could just *kiss* your promiscuous mind


    I don't keep a lot of secrets
    The ones I do will die with me
    It's not because I'm hiding something
    A trusted friend I try to be

  3. #18
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 30 2009, 08:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    It seems to me that the initial occurrence is where the gentleman needs to be reminded of the boundaries & the expectations set. Anything short of that will be taken as tacit agreement... especially by a twisted mind...[/b]
    Sounds like my man Sisy speaks from experience! What ya leave her Sisy? A box of Chocolate&#39;s....dance lessons for two ..... a promise ring! lol


  4. #19
    Verified Hobbyist BCD Sysiphus's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (WTF @ Mar 30 2009, 09:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Sounds like my man Sisy speaks from experience! What ya leave her Sisy? A box of Chocolate&#39;s....dance lessons for two ..... a promise ring! lol[/b]


    I left a PROMISE not to come back!!!

    It&#39;s HER fault... she&#39;d emailed that would be JUST FINE with her...

    I KNOW what she REALLY meant!!! :P
    I could just *kiss* your promiscuous mind


    I don't keep a lot of secrets
    The ones I do will die with me
    It's not because I'm hiding something
    A trusted friend I try to be

  5. #20
    Audra Baron's Avatar
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    The first time he presented gifts, he also presented the donation and I accepted them. Then he began cutting the donation by $50 each time and replacing it with gifts, which I reminded him was not acceptable and he took horrendous offense. I am at a loss as to what to do.
    Besos,

    Audra Baron

  6. #21

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 29 2009, 10:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Hello lovelies!

    I am needing some serious advice about a special friend of mine who has been a long standing client.

    Recently, this person has begun replacing my donations with gifts and has demanded and harrassed me for extra time, when he is not even meeting his standard financial obligation. I believe there are great things that can come from contractual relationships as they allow people to open up to a completely objective third party about their lives. However, this gentleman has crossed the boundaries of what I am able to provide and continues to push forward. I am receiving many emotional emails daily and am worried about how this will all play out.

    My question is: How do you handle a friend who is not respecting the boundaries you so clearly set?

    PM me for more info if you need it. Advice is greatly appreciated![/b]
    Audra, because he does not respect your boundaries, he&#39;s not truly a friend. Please don&#39;t waste any more time with this person, and ask him to stop contacting you. You must, you must, you must put an end to this relationship before he becomes more obsessed and possibly a danger.


    Good luck!





  7. #22
    Woody of TX's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 31 2009, 06:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    The first time he presented gifts, he also presented the donation and I accepted them. Then he began cutting the donation by $50 each time and replacing it with gifts, which I reminded him was not acceptable and he took horrendous offense. I am at a loss as to what to do.[/b]

    The moment that he got as you mentioned "horrendous offense" this was the moment to stop the relationship, he was at this point showing his true substance of himself, lack of control of his anger.


    I am sort of confused and maybe I overlooked something, are we talking a monthly commitment et al example only $xxx a month and you see him x number days a month for x number hours?

    or

    Is this a non-monthly commitment and he randomly calls you for you company?

    *****************

    Either way just shut in down and move on, but with the monthly commitment if he has paid you upfront, then you need to allocate the number in monies and sent the remaining back to him some how, this will tell him that its not about the monies, you just don&#39;t want him in your life. He can&#39;t use that against you.

    I know that you are worried about your reputation.....who isn&#39;t but you have to decide which is the most important at this point, your safety, your inter soul, and your ability to survive. As mentioned contact the mods of the board that you were talking about and explain what has happen, being very professional when doing so and you will get the help that you seek.

    What steps have you taken since you have asked recommendations here on HDH?

    Of course you not have to answer anything here if you don&#39;t want to....that&#39;s your right.

  8. #23
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    Damn Woody I didn&#39;t know it was Counselor Woody! Take the fifth Audra......

    Beside&#39;s we already have our reformed resident stalker Sisyphus on it ....


    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 31 2009, 06:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    The first time he presented gifts, he also presented the donation and I accepted them. Then he began cutting the donation by $50 each time and replacing it with gifts, which I reminded him was not acceptable and he took horrendous offense. I am at a loss as to what to do.[/b]
    Seriously Audra, I&#39;m with the crowd that says cut your losses. Take no more money , that is his control factor. Once you remove that he has no power . Kinda like sticking a load of Kryptonite up Superman ass !

  9. #24

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    One thing that&#39;s almost gotten lost here is his threat to "ruin your reputation." Well, that sounds like a bluff to me, but you would know better whether he&#39;s in any position at all to act on that threat. If he&#39;s married, then answer is &#39;probably not.&#39; Unless you have good reason to think he might be serious about going &#39;public&#39; (again a low probabilty I&#39;d say) then I agree with everyone else that cutting off contact is the right route to go.

    A provider I knew here in SA told me of a similar situation. She was so concerned that she went to LE. They told her that as an independent, they could care less what she did and said that they&#39;d contact the guy if he persisted. He didn&#39;t, so it&#39;s hard to know what might have happened.

    Wonder if anyone else knows of strategies beyond simple avoidance to shut down losers like this guy?

    Good luck and be safe.

  10. #25
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    Other than just cutting the relationship off. If you know Guido, which most providers do, you might have him make a visit just to put him straight! It is a situation that needs to be addressed soon. If I was in your vicinity I&#39;d offer to help. Good Luck doll;)
    "It's all in how you treat the lady as to the response you get!!"

  11. #26
    Audra Baron's Avatar
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    Y&#39;all are so great.

    Is he a monthly regular? No, he is a weekly regular - which hurts! Ah well. I take the loss as a positive step in the right direction. Hanging onto a complete fuckwit for money isn&#39;t me.


    Thanks so much for all the responses!
    Besos,

    Audra Baron

  12. #27
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Willn @ Mar 31 2009, 05:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    She was so concerned that she went to LE. They told her that as an independent, they could care less what she did and said that they&#39;d contact the guy if he persisted.[/b]
    I think that is probably consistent for most large metro areas (the distinction being with someone working out of a small town) -- as long as you run your business discreetly they aren&#39;t going after you. They do also have something called burden of proof, making you more trouble to prosecute than you are worth. That said if you (pun intended) land in their lap, the&#39;ll prosecute.

  13. #28
    Figuring It Out pjorourke's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Audra Baron @ Mar 31 2009, 05:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    he is a weekly regular - which hurts! Ah well. I take the loss as a positive step in the right direction. Hanging onto a complete fuckwit for money isn&#39;t me.[/b]
    He doesn&#39;t pay, but he is a regular customer. Thats funny.

  14. #29
    Audra Baron's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (pjorourke @ Mar 31 2009, 08:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    He doesn&#39;t pay, but he is a regular customer. Thats funny.[/b]

    LOL.... NO. He doesn&#39;t pay, and is NO LONGER a customer. Just a stalker.
    Besos,

    Audra Baron

  15. #30
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    Audra,
    I&#39;m so sad for you that you&#39;re faced with a stalker situation. I&#39;ve been there and it can be really scary. The only advice I have for you is if he&#39;s physically stalking you and there&#39;s any sort of methodology to it, find a way to have a third party witness it or video tape it. You&#39;re word won&#39;t amount to squat if he has someone willing to give him a alibi. In my case, I was at my incall and watched him through the peephole attempting to break in. When I called the police to report him, they checked with his work and found that he was on the clock there (left himself &#39;punched in&#39; while he was trying to break in). Without a third part witness, that stupid time clock was sufficient alibi for him and made the cops totally disregard my eye-witness account. For 2 years afterward he would vandalize my car, type letters telling me he was going to cut my face ear-to-ear or telling me what my child wore to school that day, and once he poured motor oil over my front door and lit it on fire (I lived on the 3rd floor and would have had to jump off the balconey had neighbors not seen it and called the fire department). He also broke into my mailbox and stole bank/credit card records so then he had my real name and outed me to anyone who would listen. Even after seeing the letters and verifying the vandalism, the cops could/would do nothing unless I had him on video doing these things or had a witness.

    And this man was the Chief Fire Marshall of a county (20 years on the job), married with 4 kids.... you&#39;d think he&#39;d have a lot to lose! While I contemplated going to his work or home to confront him, my reputation with the cops was already ruined because of his &#39;alibi&#39; and he could have ME charged with harassment! He actually tried doing just that by tapping into my land line, calling his phone repeatedly and then calling the cops to say I was harassing him. The first I knew about it was when the cops called ME and told me to stop calling HIM! I found out that anyone with a screwdriver, a $10 Walmart phone and the audacity ..... can do the exact same thing. Did it matter that I took pictures of the damaged lock on the phone box on my building? No.... I couldn&#39;t PROVE he&#39;d done that. Cops actually accused me of damaging the lock.

    My point being, you need to cover your arse and be able to PROVE it&#39;s him before you go to the cops with anything.

    Good luck!

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