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Thread: If someone asks you for the truth...do you give it?

  1. #16
    Britlicious Camille's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 25 2009, 08:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    When you know somebody THAT well you have to take into account the dynamic you have with the person doing the asking. Is the person doing the asking "straight ahead" enough to simply be seeking information? Or, is it somebody who has something else in mind? IOW, you have to factor in whether the question that was spoken out loud is REALLY the question that&#39;s being asked.[/b]
    Now this is interesting...because this is exactly what I mean when I say "reading between the lines."
    If I don&#39;t know someone well enough...I won&#39;t invest that much time in over analayzing them.
    If I do know someone well enough then I sort of assume they know me too...and if they ask for the truth..they want the truth.
    What is this trying to figure out ulterior motives thing? FWIW...I&#39;m not disagreeing with you at all Sisyphus...I see lots of people doing this and so I know you are making a valid point. Why bloody ask if you want a lie? I mean...????
    ATL makes an interesting point about having to invest too much time into telling the truth and that it&#39;s selfishness that prevents it.
    PJ...love your concise answers as always and Mr. Giz at least one of your responses had me laughing hard, but I&#39;m still a novice on here so I don&#39;t know how to lift multiple quotes into 1 thread lol.

    BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P

    Sleep well peeps

    C xxxx




    "Work like you don&#39;t need the money, love like you have never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching" Satchel Paige

    " Life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away" anonymous

  2. #17
    Britlicious Camille's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rudyard K @ Mar 24 2009, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Gotta go with Sis on this...It Depends.

    First I guess it would depend on how well I know someone. I don&#39;t really mind saying something that is not favorable...but I have to see some upside in it. Are they really being serious that they want to know the truth? If they know the truth is it going to make a positive difference? Is my answer more likely to harm them or me? If it is only me I can be more honest.

    I knew there was a reason I liked you ;)

    Its the inbetween people who are the most difficult to deal with on a tough question. Someone you barely know is probably not worth the effort of getting too worked up about being too truthful with a tough question. Be truthful and let the chips fall where they may...or keep your mouth shut. Who cares?

    Yes...I wasnt really talking about them...but I didnt make that clear.

    Someone you know really well is probably more able to accept a tough answer. They already know the depth of your affection. But the in between peson is a bit tougher. They may not be as comfortable with my answer...and I have no intent to harm. But being false is not good either. So, it is a crap shoot...it just depends on the question or the answer.

    Like most things in life...There are no simple answers.

    But you can&#39;t always take the easy route just because it&#39;s....well easy ;)[/b]



    "Work like you don&#39;t need the money, love like you have never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching" Satchel Paige

    " Life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away" anonymous

  3. #18
    Verified Hobbyist BCD Sysiphus's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Now this is interesting...because this is exactly what I mean when I say "reading between the lines."
    If I don&#39;t know someone well enough...I won&#39;t invest that much time in over analayzing them.
    If I do know someone well enough then I sort of assume they know me too...and if they ask for the truth..they want the truth.
    What is this trying to figure out ulterior motives thing? FWIW...I&#39;m not disagreeing with you at all Sisyphus...I see lots of people doing this and so I know you are making a valid point. Why bloody ask if you want a lie? I mean...????[/b]
    I don&#39;t see it that way! Disagreeing with me, that is....

    But I also don&#39;t necessarily see those who ask these sorts of questions as "wanting a lie." What I THINK they want... is affirmation that they&#39;ve been "understood." IE, you KNOW me well enough to understand what I&#39;m REALLY asking and you know me well enough to provide the "RIGHT" answer. Is it a form of passive-aggressive behavior? Probably... Whether you choose to tolerate it or not is a pretty strong indicator as to your level of interest... which is probably what all of it is REALLY about anyway....

    I think you & I sort of look at things the same way in that regard. If you ask me something... it&#39;s BECAUSE you want information. If I ask you something... it&#39;s BECAUSE I want information....

    I get ripped all the time by the people in my life for not "communicating" enough. My reply... if you can&#39;t/won&#39;t TELL me anything I don&#39;t ALREADY know... why should I bother? Sorry, but that&#39;s the way it is.

    Fact of the matter, Love, most of the REST of this world doesn&#39;t look at it the way we do. So, whether you think it makes sense or not... if you give a shit about the person doing the asking... what the "real" question is...it&#39;s part of the calculus...

    Unless you want to blow them off or piss them off, it&#39;s part of the game.

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P

    Sleep well peeps

    C xxxx[/b]
    LOL... I TRIED to warn you... welcome to spring time travel... south mid-western style....

    I&#39;m only posting this after sitting in the dark for over an hour. At this point, bring on the damn tornado... as long as I can see it coming!!!
    I could just *kiss* your promiscuous mind


    I don't keep a lot of secrets
    The ones I do will die with me
    It's not because I'm hiding something
    A trusted friend I try to be

  4. #19
    Verified Hobbyist BCD GneissGuy's Avatar
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    The truth is a precious thing not to be wasted.

    If it&#39;s a question that&#39;s not their business, don&#39;t tell the truth unless it&#39;s in your best interest to do so.

    If it&#39;s a loaded question such as "Do I look fat," don&#39;t tell the truth. I like to respond, "Do I look stupid?"

    If it&#39;s a question that the person has a right to be asking, tell the truth.
    Be Gneiss Gnow...

  5. #20
    Woody of TX's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P[/b]


    Welcome to Texas! At least it&#39;s not Florida and Hurricane season...but what&#39;s the difference if your in the middle of it.? Good thing it was gone as fast as it came, right?

  6. #21
    Britlicious Camille's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 25 2009, 10:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Unless you want to blow them off or piss them off, it&#39;s part of the game.[/b]
    Um yes...that&#39;s a bit familiar.
    Story to tell about this whole thing...but later not now.





    "Work like you don&#39;t need the money, love like you have never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching" Satchel Paige

    " Life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away" anonymous

  7. #22
    Figuring It Out pjorourke's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Woody of TX @ Mar 26 2009, 10:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Welcome to Texas! At least it&#39;s not Florida and Hurricane season...[/b]
    Shhhh!!!!! Dont say that so loud. I&#39;m still recovering from 2004.

  8. #23
    Figuring It Out pjorourke's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 26 2009, 12:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    PJ...love your concise answers as always[/b]
    I try to please darlin. ;)

  9. #24
    Verified Hobbyist BCD Sysiphus's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 26 2009, 10:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Um yes...that&#39;s a bit familiar.
    Story to tell about this whole thing...but later not now.[/b]

    :D I got that impression.... must have read between the lines! :P

    No rush... take your time... whenever you&#39;re ready you can...

    Climb up on the big comfy couch & tell ole&#39; Uncle Sys ALL about it! ;)
    I could just *kiss* your promiscuous mind


    I don't keep a lot of secrets
    The ones I do will die with me
    It's not because I'm hiding something
    A trusted friend I try to be

  10. #25
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    At times around hereI feel like Jack in &#39;&#39;A Few Good Men&#39;&#39; . My momma alwys says "Ask my lil sweet boy WTF, if you want the brutal truth".

    Jessep: You want answers?
    Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I&#39;m entitled to them.
    Jessep: You want answers?
    Kaffee: I want the truth!
    Jessep: You can&#39;t handle the truth!


    Camille here is a nice little article on lying that I wrote about in Forbes. I wish I had more time to go into detail about all this lying but I have a meeting with the Pope. Wish me luck on changing his mind on that condom thing.

    http://www.forbes.com/2005/10/19/lying-dis...05_1024lie.html

    What&#39;s more, we lie all the time. . .

    . . . In fact, we lie so readily that the dishonesty becomes automatic. . .

    . . . But why are we so dishonest so often? Isn’t honesty always the best policy? In fact, no. Nobody wants to hear that they look heavier or less attractive. In truth, we consider those who are too honest to be blunt, antisocial and even pathological. A recent study found that adolescents who are most popular with their peers were the ones that were the best at being deceptive.

  11. #26
    Britlicious Camille's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (WTF @ Mar 26 2009, 02:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    At times around hereI feel like Jack in &#39;&#39;A Few Good Men&#39;&#39; . My momma alwys says "Ask my lil sweet boy WTF, if you want the brutal truth".

    Jessep: You want answers?
    Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I&#39;m entitled to them.
    Jessep: You want answers?
    Kaffee: I want the truth!
    Jessep: You can&#39;t handle the truth!


    Camille here is a nice little article on lying that I wrote about in Forbes. I wish I had more time to go into detail about all this lying but I have a meeting with the Pope. Wish me luck on changing his mind on that condom thing.

    http://www.forbes.com/2005/10/19/lying-dis...05_1024lie.html

    What&#39;s more, we lie all the time. . .

    . . . In fact, we lie so readily that the dishonesty becomes automatic. . .

    . . . But why are we so dishonest so often? Isn’t honesty always the best policy? In fact, no. Nobody wants to hear that they look heavier or less attractive. In truth, we consider those who are too honest to be blunt, antisocial and even pathological. A recent study found that adolescents who are most popular with their peers were the ones that were the best at being deceptive.[/b]
    Don&#39;t believe everything academics tell ya WTF....they lie :P



    "Work like you don&#39;t need the money, love like you have never been hurt and dance like nobody is watching" Satchel Paige

    " Life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away" anonymous

  12. #27
    Figuring It Out Rudyard K's Avatar
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (WTF @ Mar 26 2009, 02:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    A recent study found that adolescents who are most popular with their peers were the ones that were the best at being deceptive.[/b]
    Didn&#39;t 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Crest too?

  13. #28
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 27 2009, 01:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Don&#39;t believe everything academics tell ya WTF....they lie :P[/b]
    Well then Jim Carey&#39;s Oscar for "Liar, Liar" is starting to make sense......





    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rudyard K @ Mar 27 2009, 01:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Didn&#39;t 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Crest too? [/b]
    Three out of those four were found to be OBGYN&#39;s and the fourth was a Proctologist (isn&#39;t there alway&#39;s a asshole in the bunch)....Conjurer&#39;s up a whole new image to "Look Ma, no cavities!"

  14. #29
    Love without honesty is hypocrisy,
    Honesty without love is brutality.

    :)

    I struggle with the idea of truth often, since my life is supported by a fine web of lies or half truths (I don&#39;t really distinguish between the two). Not only due to this lifestyle, but bi-sexuality, my spiritual beliefs, and my romantic adventures. Co-workers, casual friends, relatives are acquainted with only vague shadow of who I am. I treasure those whom I can be honest with and accept me whole heartedly - they are agonizingly rare. Locked in a discussion on this very topic with my closest friend, I described it as being alone in a crowded room.

    When I do not want to give the truth, I reply with silence. Surprisingly, when met with silence, most people back off. Most.

    In the case of a situation like "Did you fuck him? " I&#39;ll be honest. If I&#39;m willing to commit the crime I&#39;ve already accepted the possibility I&#39;ll get caught. When directly asked, I&#39;ll tell the truth.

    When a family member asked me "You&#39;re hiding something from us, what is it?" I have no question in my mind that they wanted the truth. I chose the path of deny, deny, deny. Out of selfish self preservation. If they knew the truth, they&#39;d harass me to death trying to change my ways - and that isn&#39;t going to happen. My only option would be to cut them off entirely, which would pain them deeply. They took other truths poorly, and I nearly had to change my name before they understood that nothing could be done about it.

    In the name of peace, I believe I have a right to secrecy and even lies. When there is nothing that can be done to convince me otherwise, I&#39;ll choose the path of least resistance. I have but one life to live, and I don&#39;t want anyone interfering with how I live it. I won&#39;t lie because the truth is painful, or because I&#39;m afraid of loosing soemone. I will lie only if I know the other party will wreak havoc on my sanity or poses a threat to the delicate balance of my life.

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 24 2009, 10:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    I know how to tell the truth. I know how NOT to hurt people. I don&#39;t always know how to do both at the same time.[/b]
    It isn&#39;t always possible.

    What about those instances when people want to be lied to? They don&#39;t really want the truth, they want to be reassured of a fantasy they love?

    "What am I supposed to do
    When it&#39;s all a lie
    Won&#39;t you lie to me, lie to me baby
    Lie to me, lie to me baby
    Won&#39;t you lie to me baby
    One last time"

    I know a gent who has an unspoken understanding with his SO. He wanted to confess to seeing other women, crushed by a sense of guilt. She stopped the conversation dead it&#39;s tracks, she doesn&#39;t ever want to discuss the subject. She would rather he lie to her, knowing it&#39;s all a veil, and continue to live the life she has always known.






  15. #30
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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Lauren Summerhill @ Mar 27 2009, 10:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Love without honesty is hypocrisy,
    Honesty without love is brutality.[/b]
    Maybe that&#39;s my problem....I love people. Without it being reciprocated my comments are taken by some as brutal. Make&#39;s sense.

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