If someone asks you for the truth...do you give it?

[Rudyard K]

Gotta go with Sis on this...It Depends.

First I guess it would depend on how well I know someone. I don't really mind saying something that is not favorable...but I have to see some upside in it. Are they really being serious that they want to know the truth? If they know the truth is it going to make a positive difference? Is my answer more likely to harm them or me? If it is only me I can be more honest.

Its the inbetween people who are the most difficult to deal with on a tough question. Someone you barely know is probably not worth the effort of getting too worked up about being too truthful with a tough question. Be truthful and let the chips fall where they may...or keep your mouth shut. Who cares? Someone you know really well is probably more able to accept a tough answer. They already know the depth of your affection. But the in between peson is a bit tougher. They may not be as comfortable with my answer...and I have no intent to harm. But being false is not good either. So, it is a crap shoot...it just depends on the question or the answer.

Like most things in life...There are no simple answers.

Whatever prompts you to ask such a question? :D

[Sysiphus]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rudyard K @ Mar 24 2009, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Whatever prompts you to ask such a question? :D[/b]

:D I assume you know her well enough to ask the question!!!

I&#39;ll cop to thinking it... but wasn&#39;t gonna ask!!! :P

[Camille]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 24 2009, 10:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

:D I assume you know her well enough to ask the question!!!

I&#39;ll cop to thinking it... but wasn&#39;t gonna ask!!! :P[/b]

It was a post elsewhere...where this question of honesty came up.
It got me thinking that&#39;s all. :huh:

I have tried to think of someone that I dont know too well...who has asked me to be honest with about something.
Can&#39;t actually think of anyone (maybe we just don&#39;t ask that of someone we are not close to...I know I don&#39;t which is why I expect the truth from those I&#39;m close to)....so I don&#39;t have experience to share there. That said, I&#39;m sure I&#39;d go the route of the two of you...which is to say nothing. I&#39;ll agree with that. Perhaps I should have asked my question in the context of someone you deeply like/love/respect...etc.
I&#39;m sure there are times over the years where my mother has (initially) wished I had lied to her about a whole manner of things...and I bet a few boyfriends too. But what I&#39;ve come to learn is that whilst the truth hurts, lies hurt more (and usually for longer)...I know that from my own experience. I would never want anyone to deal with unecessary pain or hurt and in the grand scheme of things, I genuinely do believe that honesty will usually prevail especially if solicited.

Ok...plane to catch...thank goodness it is warmer there than "here."

Kisses

C xxx

[Sysiphus]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

It was a post elsewhere...where this question of honesty came up.[/b]

Elsewhere... there&#39;s an "elsewhere"??? Does EVERYBODY know about this?!?!?!? :P

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Perhaps I should have asked my question in the context of someone you deeply like/love/respect...etc.[/b]

Hopefully, it doesn&#39;t change the crux of my answer much but it certainly changes the "calculus" that goes into each decision. For example, in THIS context I disagree with your original premise that it makes NO difference if the question is

"Does this make my arse look big?" vs. "Did you fuck her?"

It makes all the difference in the world!!!! :D

When you know somebody THAT well you have to take into account the dynamic you have with the person doing the asking. Is the person doing the asking "straight ahead" enough to simply be seeking information? Or, is it somebody who has something else in mind? IOW, you have to factor in whether the question that was spoken out loud is REALLY the question that&#39;s being asked.

What do I mean by that? Well, in the case of the first question, it could be anything from:

"I KNOW my arse looks great/awful. Will YOU tell me my arse looks great/awful?"

to

"Do I matter enough to you for you to handle me gently - BUT NOT LIE - when I&#39;m not feeling particularly good about myself?"

As for the second question... Jesus! Books have been written on all the permutations....

I agree that it is better NOT to lie but whether you tell the truth or refuse to answer... it&#39;s as much about HOW you do so as it is WHAT you do. You can refuse to answer in a curt or dismissive manner. Or, you can explain WHY you&#39;re not going to answer in a positive manner. You can tell the truth bluntly. OR, you can explain that an unpleasant truth really isn&#39;t that significant BEFORE you give it.

I didn&#39;t see the "R-word" (ie, relationship) in your question anywhere but it sounded to me like that&#39;s what was on your mind. Successful relationships are built on intimacy. Intimacy is built on trust. You can&#39;t be intimate with somebody you don&#39;t trust.

In that sense, lying is a terrible strategy. But then again, so it asking questions that put the other person "on the spot" all the time! :D

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Ok...plane to catch...thank goodness it is warmer there than "here."

Kisses

C xxx[/b]

Off you go! Safe travels!!! Warmer "here" but not necessarily nicer... looks like a steady diet of t-storms for us all week....

[Camille]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 25 2009, 08:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

When you know somebody THAT well you have to take into account the dynamic you have with the person doing the asking. Is the person doing the asking "straight ahead" enough to simply be seeking information? Or, is it somebody who has something else in mind? IOW, you have to factor in whether the question that was spoken out loud is REALLY the question that&#39;s being asked.[/b]

Now this is interesting...because this is exactly what I mean when I say "reading between the lines."
If I don&#39;t know someone well enough...I won&#39;t invest that much time in over analayzing them.
If I do know someone well enough then I sort of assume they know me too...and if they ask for the truth..they want the truth.
What is this trying to figure out ulterior motives thing? FWIW...I&#39;m not disagreeing with you at all Sisyphus...I see lots of people doing this and so I know you are making a valid point. Why bloody ask if you want a lie? I mean...????
ATL makes an interesting point about having to invest too much time into telling the truth and that it&#39;s selfishness that prevents it.
PJ...love your concise answers as always and Mr. Giz at least one of your responses had me laughing hard, but I&#39;m still a novice on here so I don&#39;t know how to lift multiple quotes into 1 thread lol.

BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P

Sleep well peeps

C xxxx

[Sysiphus]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Now this is interesting...because this is exactly what I mean when I say "reading between the lines."
If I don&#39;t know someone well enough...I won&#39;t invest that much time in over analayzing them.
If I do know someone well enough then I sort of assume they know me too...and if they ask for the truth..they want the truth.
What is this trying to figure out ulterior motives thing? FWIW...I&#39;m not disagreeing with you at all Sisyphus...I see lots of people doing this and so I know you are making a valid point. Why bloody ask if you want a lie? I mean...????[/b]

I don&#39;t see it that way! Disagreeing with me, that is....

But I also don&#39;t necessarily see those who ask these sorts of questions as "wanting a lie." What I THINK they want... is affirmation that they&#39;ve been "understood." IE, you KNOW me well enough to understand what I&#39;m REALLY asking and you know me well enough to provide the "RIGHT" answer. Is it a form of passive-aggressive behavior? Probably... Whether you choose to tolerate it or not is a pretty strong indicator as to your level of interest... which is probably what all of it is REALLY about anyway....

I think you & I sort of look at things the same way in that regard. If you ask me something... it&#39;s BECAUSE you want information. If I ask you something... it&#39;s BECAUSE I want information....

I get ripped all the time by the people in my life for not "communicating" enough. My reply... if you can&#39;t/won&#39;t TELL me anything I don&#39;t ALREADY know... why should I bother? Sorry, but that&#39;s the way it is.

Fact of the matter, Love, most of the REST of this world doesn&#39;t look at it the way we do. So, whether you think it makes sense or not... if you give a shit about the person doing the asking... what the "real" question is...it&#39;s part of the calculus...

Unless you want to blow them off or piss them off, it&#39;s part of the game.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P

Sleep well peeps

C xxxx[/b]

LOL... I TRIED to warn you... welcome to spring time travel... south mid-western style....

I&#39;m only posting this after sitting in the dark for over an hour. At this point, bring on the damn tornado... as long as I can see it coming!!!

[Camille]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sisyphus @ Mar 25 2009, 10:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Unless you want to blow them off or piss them off, it&#39;s part of the game.[/b]

Um yes...that&#39;s a bit familiar.
Story to tell about this whole thing...but later not now.

[Woody of TX]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 11:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

BTW...who&#39;s idea was the Tornado warning??? I&#39;m trying to get away from crappy weather thanks lol :P[/b]

Welcome to Texas! At least it&#39;s not Florida and Hurricane season...but what&#39;s the difference if your in the middle of it.? Good thing it was gone as fast as it came, right?

[pjorourke]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Woody of TX @ Mar 26 2009, 10:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Welcome to Texas! At least it&#39;s not Florida and Hurricane season...[/b]

Shhhh!!!!! Dont say that so loud. I&#39;m still recovering from 2004.

[pjorourke]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 26 2009, 12:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

PJ...love your concise answers as always[/b]

I try to please darlin. ;)

[Camille]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rudyard K @ Mar 24 2009, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Gotta go with Sis on this...It Depends.

First I guess it would depend on how well I know someone. I don&#39;t really mind saying something that is not favorable...but I have to see some upside in it. Are they really being serious that they want to know the truth? If they know the truth is it going to make a positive difference? Is my answer more likely to harm them or me? If it is only me I can be more honest.

I knew there was a reason I liked you ;)

Its the inbetween people who are the most difficult to deal with on a tough question. Someone you barely know is probably not worth the effort of getting too worked up about being too truthful with a tough question. Be truthful and let the chips fall where they may...or keep your mouth shut. Who cares?

Yes...I wasnt really talking about them...but I didnt make that clear.

Someone you know really well is probably more able to accept a tough answer. They already know the depth of your affection. But the in between peson is a bit tougher. They may not be as comfortable with my answer...and I have no intent to harm. But being false is not good either. So, it is a crap shoot...it just depends on the question or the answer.

Like most things in life...There are no simple answers.

But you can&#39;t always take the easy route just because it&#39;s....well easy ;)[/b]