<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>Elsewhere... there's an "elsewhere"??? Does EVERYBODY know about this?!?!?!? :PIt was a post elsewhere...where this question of honesty came up.[/b]
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>Hopefully, it doesn't change the crux of my answer much but it certainly changes the "calculus" that goes into each decision. For example, in THIS context I disagree with your original premise that it makes NO difference if the question isPerhaps I should have asked my question in the context of someone you deeply like/love/respect...etc.[/b]
"Does this make my arse look big?" vs. "Did you fuck her?"
It makes all the difference in the world!!!! :D
When you know somebody THAT well you have to take into account the dynamic you have with the person doing the asking. Is the person doing the asking "straight ahead" enough to simply be seeking information? Or, is it somebody who has something else in mind? IOW, you have to factor in whether the question that was spoken out loud is REALLY the question that's being asked.
What do I mean by that? Well, in the case of the first question, it could be anything from:
"I KNOW my arse looks great/awful. Will YOU tell me my arse looks great/awful?"
to
"Do I matter enough to you for you to handle me gently - BUT NOT LIE - when I'm not feeling particularly good about myself?"
As for the second question... Jesus! Books have been written on all the permutations....
I agree that it is better NOT to lie but whether you tell the truth or refuse to answer... it's as much about HOW you do so as it is WHAT you do. You can refuse to answer in a curt or dismissive manner. Or, you can explain WHY you're not going to answer in a positive manner. You can tell the truth bluntly. OR, you can explain that an unpleasant truth really isn't that significant BEFORE you give it.
I didn't see the "R-word" (ie, relationship) in your question anywhere but it sounded to me like that's what was on your mind. Successful relationships are built on intimacy. Intimacy is built on trust. You can't be intimate with somebody you don't trust.
In that sense, lying is a terrible strategy. But then again, so it asking questions that put the other person "on the spot" all the time! :D
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Camille @ Mar 25 2009, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>Off you go! Safe travels!!! Warmer "here" but not necessarily nicer... looks like a steady diet of t-storms for us all week....Ok...plane to catch...thank goodness it is warmer there than "here."
Kisses
C xxx[/b]
