You Know You're a....

Please be nice. I don't want to start a thread that trashes providers or hobbyists so I'm trusting you to be nice if you add any to the list. I'm not really a "funny" person so I know y'all can come up with some good ones. None of mine are intended to be mean, so I hope no one takes offense.

You know you're a provider if...
...you refuse to play the game "Never have I ever"
...you can suck start a Harley
...when you hear the word "cowboy" you think of the position not a profession.
...you consider flexibility an occupational talent
...you pull out your wallet to pay for your meal and a condom drops onto the table.
...when the condom drops to the floor, you *wink* at the waiter
...they know you by name at the adult toy store.
...your make-up each month costs more than your electric bill
...your dentist is impressed with your oral muscle tone (actually happened to me)
...you stock up on sexy outfits when Halloween costumes go on clearance
...you have a dresser designated just for lingerie
...you have a bigger porn collection than all your guy friends put together
...you wake up with a sore throat and you're not worried that you're getting sick
...you wear out your dildo before the warranty ends
...you've racked up more hotel points than an executive business man
...you order the big bottles of lube - the ones with the pump
...you call yourself a college girl after 26 (Haha! that's me! but I really am)
...you've retired at least once before 40
...you've ever considered offering lessons

You know you're a hobbyist if..
...you think LOVE is acronym for Legs Open Very Easily
...you're filling out a job app and put handles under "references"
...you have a friend you haven't seen in months, but your SO thinks you watch football with him twice a week
...your "to-do" list is based on reviews
..."urban dict-ary" is bookmarked on your computer AND smartphone
...you see a gal bc you need to write a review to keep your ROTS access
...you have a calendar reminder to add minutes to your hobby phone so it doesn't expire
...you've expensed the mileage to go see a provider or a gift you've bought her
...you stalk BP to find a new girl before the other hobbyists catch onto her
...you promote your fav out of towner on every ATF thread to entice her to visit